This Was Voted the Funniest Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

"I just deleted all the German names off my phone.........."

Darren Walsh, 39, has won the prize for the funniest joke at this year’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival in Scotland’s capital.

His mobile phone joke, “I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free,” took first place in a vote by TV channel Dave.

Every year thousands of performers head to Scotland to take part in the festival. The Edinburgh Fringe sees established acts to unknown artists play – be it in comedy, theatre, dance, spoken word, musicals and even cabaret – in over 200 venues scattered around the city.

In 2014, the organisers recorded 49,497 performances, making it the largest ever arts festival in the world. 

Here’s 5 of the other jokes that made the shortlist:

“Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse … but enough about Kanye West” – Stewart Francis

“Surely every car is a people carrier?” – Adam Hess

“Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas” – Mark Nelson

“Red sky at night. Shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night. Day” – Tom Parry

“Clowns divorce. Custardy battle” – Simon Munnery

The Edinburgh Fringe Festival is from August 7 – 31.

How young Greeks changed their degree choices as the economy crashed

               Youth unemployment has been a persistent problem in Greece since the start of the country’s financial crisis, but how has the crisis affected the career choices made by young Greeks? Rigissa Megalokonomou writes on trends in the university subjects chosen by Greek students. She notes that there has been an increase in the popularity of courses associated with good employment prospects such as healthcare and law, but that certain academically challenging fields such as engineering have experienced a drop in enrolments. The Greek financial crisis has been one of the most severe in the developed world since 1929. Its effects on education have been real and biting. Public spending on education in Greece has been reduced by 40 per cent and more than 100 schools have been closed since 2009, as well as some universities. The overall uncertainty about the future of the country has had catastrophic consequences on all sectors of the economy, but also on the educational decisions of young Greeks. My research has found that, in the face of tighter budget constraints, students are changing their minds about what to study. There has been an increase in university majors that are tied to jobs with good employment opportunities, such as healthcare or law, and a rise in the popularity of courses that provide an early source of income such as the military and police academies. But there has also been a drop in those courses that are academically challenging, such as engineering and computer science.

                 The choices of young Greeks 

                Free education is a constitutional right in Greece and every tertiary educational institute is public. Students do not have to pay fees or take student loans in order to study – and the only criterion for university admission is how well students do in a series of university admission exams called the Panhellenic National Examinations. Once they get to university, it takes Greek students four years to get their degree. In a recent paper, co-authored with my colleague Sofoklis Goulas, we used unpublished data provided by the Hellenic Ministry of Education to assess how the financial turmoil has reshaped demand for particular college majors. When Greek students apply to university, they submit a ranked list of university departments they would like to be admitted to. Using data from 2003 to 2011, our study looked at how 17 and 18 year-old high school student’s choices of preferred majors changed during the first years of the financial crisis. Looking for good employment prospects We found that students switched away from college majors that have poor employment prospects and preferred majors that offered less precarious routes to employment. Medicine, psychology, military, pharmacy, mathematics, statistics, humanities and law departments were very popular majors during the first years of the crisis between 2009-2011, due to good expected employment prospects. Between 2003-2008 and 2009-11, there was a 21 per cent increase in humanities students and a 45 per cent increase in those choosing psychology. In pre-crisis Greece, there were only a few psychologists because the demand for them was low. However, after 2009 the rise in people with financial issues caused mental health problems and the demand for psychological treatment – and psychologists – increased. Historically, Greece had one of the lowest suicide rates in the world, but the mean suicide rate rose by 35 per cent between 2010 and 2012. There was a 35 per cent increase between 2009 and 2011 in students listing majors related to the military and police as their most preferred choices. Individuals who join the armed forces sign an enlistment contract, binding them to service after graduation and immediately receive a monthly stipend. But fields such as business and management, education, languages and history fell in popularity during the crisis. For instance, there was a 26 per cent decrease between 2009 and 2011 in the popularity of students preferring to study business-related majors, given that the expected earnings from these degrees have fallen. After 2009, business-related jobs such as analysts and consultants in both the public and private sector have suffered the most with significant cuts in salaries and high unemployment rates. The only exception here was tourism management and hospitality degrees, where there was a 10 per cent increase between 2009 and 2011, given that the tourism industry continues to expand. 

                  Away from challenging degrees 

          We also found evidence that students switch away from college majors that are more academically rigorous, such as engineering and computer science. This can be explained by the fact that academic returns on investment fall during recessions: there is less of a difference in wages between graduates of different fields, so students do not exhaust themselves in very challenging majors but rather switch to less difficult degrees. Knowing the types of majors that students are more likely to choose during recessions can be useful for the politicians who allocate resources to universities. Higher education can be the best protection against financial crises. In a December 2013 report, the OECD argued that the unemployment rate among highly educated adults across OECD countries increased by only 1.5 per cent from 2008 to 2011, whereas it had increased by almost 4 per cent for those with lower levels of education. As a result there has been a renewed effort to increase post-secondary enrolment and graduation rates around the world. Back in Greece, in May 2015, 51.8 per cent of 15-24 year olds were unemployed. It is therefore vital to understand both the country’s needs and student demand for higher education. The decision of young Greeks about what to study and whether to do it domestically or abroad will determine the labour supply and the structure of the economy for the next few decades.The Conversation

Baltimore Suspends 6 Police Officers in Inquiry in Death of Freddie Gray

BALTIMORE — Six police officers have been suspended and officials said Monday that they were changing police procedures as they investigated the death of Freddie Gray, a 25-year-old black man who was rushed to the hospital with a severed spinal cord after being chased and tackled by officers. With the city on edge after days of protests that continued Monday evening, Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake and Police Commissioner Anthony W. Batts appeared at a news conference and appealed for continued calm. Mr. Batts said the Police Department would wrap up its inquiry on May 1, though investigators said they still do not understand precisely how — or when — Mr. Gray was injured. “We have no evidence — physical, video or statements — of any use of force,” the deputy police commissioner, Jerry Rodriguez, said at the news conference. “He did suffer a very tragic injury to his spinal cord, which resulted in his death. What we don’t know, and what we need to get to, is how that injury occurred.” Photo Freddie Gray Mr. Gray died Sunday, a week after his arrest. Witnesses captured parts of his encounter with the police on a cellphone video, in which screams can be heard as officers drag him into a transport van. An autopsy showed no wounds, except for the severed spinal cord, and the videos do not show the police acting forcefully. Mr. Batts, however, conceded that officers had been slow to recognize that Mr. Gray, who apparently had asthma, needed medical attention; before he was put in the van, he asked for his inhaler, which he did not have with him. “We should have probably asked for paramedics” sooner, the commissioner said. He added that his department had already begun changing policies governing the transport of suspects, and the care of people who require medical attention while in police custody. The officers involved were suspended with pay pending the outcome of the investigation. The death of Mr. Gray came amid growing national outrage over police treatment of black men, and questions about why officers are so rarely prosecuted. In Michigan on Monday, a police officer in the Detroit suburb of Inkster was charged with mistreatment of a prisoner and assault, both felonies, in connection with a January traffic stop in which he hauled a man out of his car and repeatedly punched him in the head. Also on Monday, a Los Angeles police officer was charged with assault under the color of authority against a black man who had surrendered to the police and was lying on the ground. Here in Maryland, where both Ms. Rawlings-Blake and Mr. Batts offered condolences to the Gray family, Mr. Batts said his department would refer its findings to the state’s attorney for Baltimore, Marilyn J. Mosby, for possible prosecution. Ms. Mosby said in a statement that her office had “dedicated all its existing resources to independently investigate this matter to determine whether criminal charges will be brought.” Police officers filed court documents on Monday saying Mr. Gray had been arrested “without force or incident.” The documents show that Mr. Gray had been carrying a switchblade, but Ms. Rawlings-Blake said she wanted to put to rest any rumors that this was the reason officers pursued Mr. Gray. “We know that having a knife is not necessarily a crime,” the mayor said. According to a detailed timeline presented Monday by the deputy commissioner, Mr. Rodriguez, a police lieutenant made eye contact with Mr. Gray shortly before 8:40 a.m. on April 12 in a neighborhood on the west side of the city known for drug dealing. When Mr. Gray ran away, three officers on bicycles pursued him; they caught him and restrained him on the ground. Mr. Gray “gave up without the use of force,” Mr. Rodriguez said, adding that an officer took out his Taser but did not use it. Mr. Gray then asked for his inhaler, but was conscious and speaking when he was loaded into the van to be taken to the police station. On the way to the station, the van made at least two stops — including one in which Mr. Gray was taken out and placed in leg shackles after the driver complained he was “acting irate in the back,” Mr. Rodriguez said. After Mr. Gray arrived at Baltimore’s Western District station, police officers called medics, who took him to a hospital. The police also released a video, taken from a building near the scene of the arrest, though it showed little; the footage comes from a closed-circuit television system run by the city. Mr. Gray’s family has not spoken in public. But the lawyer for the family, William Murphy Jr., has disputed the police account and accused the authorities of trying to cover up their actions. “There’s a lot of missing information,” Mr. Murphy said in an interview, adding that he was still awaiting medical records, a copy of the autopsy report and officers’ audio transmissions. Maryland court records show Mr. Gray was arrested in December and March on drug charges, including possession of heroin, but Mr. Murphy said that history was irrelevant. Neighbors said Mr. Gray had occasionally worked in construction. Outside the Western District station on Monday night, in the neighborhood where Mr. Gray grew up, angry residents confronted a phalanx of officers, roughly half of them black, demanding to know why Mr. Gray had not been given medical help sooner. “Why would you put someone in a paddy wagon who needs medical help?” a man who identified himself only as Antonio yelled at the officers. “You’re supposed to call an ambulance.” For Ms. Rawlings-Blake and Mr. Batts, both of whom are African-American, the death and protests pose a particular challenge; the mayor recently issued a “call to action” to ease black-on-black crime and improve the lives of young black men in a city where relations between the police and black residents have in the past been tense. “This is a very, very tense time for Baltimore City, and I understand the community’s frustration,” the mayor said. “I understand it because I’m frustrated. I’m angry that we are here again, that we have to tell another mother that her child is dead. I’m frustrated not only that we are here, but we don’t have all of the answers.”

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Although many of us do not admit to it, we do believe or follow some superstition at one time or another. We may cross our fingers for good luck, wear a lucky ‘dress or shoes’, get married on a rainy day for a long and happy marriage or even stop a dog from howling to prevent death.

Some people grow certain plants in their homes or keep a money plant for financial success, while others avoid resting under a peepal tree for fear of ghosts and witches. And then, there are the mysterious superstitions about the full moon or the new moon and black cats.

New Year’s Eve also has its strange myths and superstitions that are followed by many around the world.

As 2013 draws to a close, I could not help but think of some of the strange yet, interesting age-old superstitions that have become associated with the New Year over time. Some of these which I have heard, are given below:

1. No sweeping on New Year’s day 

Some people believe that one should not do any cleaning or dusting in the house on New Year’s Eve. They say that it is an ominous act and can sweep away the good luck of the entire family.

Well, why not? Anything that keeps you from the nasty chore of cleaning is welcome, right?

2. Wearing new clothes

Others ensure that they wear new clothes on New Year’s Eve since they believe that it ensures a constant supply of new clothes for the whole year to fill the wardrobe.

Again, I see no harm in wanting new clothes, do you?

3. No empty pockets

There are people who insist that one should take care to avoid wearing a dress with empty pockets on New Year’s Eve since it may be a sign of very low or no income in the year to come.

So, make sure you have some cash in your pockets tonight, even if it is a few hundred bucks. Some money is better than none.

4. For health

Many people actually make an effort and eat lots of smoked sausages with boiled cabbage on the first day of the year to remain healthy for the entire year.

So, eat heartily (and healthy) tonight for good health all the year through!

5. Say no to chicken

Another interesting superstition I heard was that if you cook any chicken dish on New Year’s day, you will have many troubles for the rest of the year.

So now you know who is responsible for all your financial troubles this year…the chicken. Beware!

6. Don’t do laundry

They say that if you do your laundry, you will certainly wash off your luck or will face a year of hard work. Even more ominous, doing laundry on this day is also associated with facing a family member’s death.

7. Eating greens for fortune

I have even heard some say that eating green, leafy vegetables such as cabbage, collard greens, mint, mustard greens, kale, spinach or coriander leaves is likely to bring wealth for the entire year. There are even those who suggest that eating only cornbread brings instant cash.

Hmmm, green  vegetables? Sounds like a ‘mom’ came up with this one!

8. Crying cats

They say that if you hear a cat crying, you should run in the opposite direction because it brings a bad omen.

I say you should do that New Year’s Eve or not, because it is the most horrifying sound in the world.

9. Don’t weep

The wise men (and women) say that one should not be miserable on this day and neither should one cry because that depression will follow you in the year to come.

So, wipe away those tears and be happy! After all, it is a new beginning.

10. No precious stuff should leave the home

I have  heard people say that you should not give your cash, ornaments, precious items or other valuable things to anyone on the first day of the year because it may be a sign that wealth will be flowing out in the entire year.

So, hang on to your cash until day after tomorrow.

11. Make noise and hang a lemon

Have you ever wondered why there are fireworks on New Year’s Eve? Or why the bells are rung so loudly? It is to scare away the evil spirits and evil thoughts. Even hanging a lemon in the doorway helps in warding off bad spirits.

The way I see it, this just gives you permission to party hard (and loud) tonight!

12. First visitor in the house 

People even predict marriage outcomes on the last day of the year. They say that the first visitor to enter the house on the first of January signifies the balance of marriage in the next 365 days. If a man enters your door then the husband will have more authority for the whole year and if a woman enters, then the wife will have complete control.

So, now you know exactly who to invite over for breakfast tomorrow (and who to not).

13. Damage and wreckage

Another myth is that you should not break or smash anything on this day otherwise you will have a painful year ahead. Breaking mirror or glass ware is a dreadful omen and it reveals that ‘wreck’ will be your buddy throughout the year.

So, if you are a ‘butter-fingers’ or get angry easily, I would suggest stay away from glass and mirrors.

14. Do some work

If you want to guarantee a successful career, then do some kind of hard work on December 31 and January 1.

I personally think this is just to ensure that we don’t party too much tonight.

Now you know some of the myths associated with the New Year. So go ahead, party hard, make some noise, eat well and have a very Happy New Year!!! 

What are your superstitions? Email us FIVE of your own superstitions for a better and happier New Year!

MOON VACATIONS POSSIBLE BY 2024

A website that provides price comparisons for flights, hotels and car hire across the globe has made some bold predictions for what travel will look like in a decade from now. Perhaps the most mouthwatering destination for 2024 holidaymakers will be a trip to the Moon or a stay in space. The site Skyscanner.com has just released a report of what holidays in the not-too-distant future might look like. The report is titled 'The Future of Travel 2024' and outlines a whole series of previously unimaginable vacation choices for the thrill-seeking traveller and those who just want to get there quicker. The report is a result of the collaboration between travel experts and international technology experts.

Holidays in space are perhaps the most spectacular of Skyscanner's predictions. Its report says: "Orbital space travel will be the next hot ticket, and commercial companies are lining up to make it a more affordable proposition." Indeed, Virgin Galactic and SpaceX are already accepting bookings. The cost of a seat on the Virgin craft (round trip, of course) is $250,000. Skyscanner also predicts an explosion in the number of underwater hotel rooms, which it says will become a mainstream travel option. Other things to look forward to include a supersonic aircraft that will fly London-Sydney in two hours and the emergence of "danger-zone" tourism. We can also expect futuristic advances in shopping and dining.

EXERCISES:

1. TRUE / FALSE:Read the headline. Guess if  a-h  below are true (T) or false (F).

a.	A hotel chain made predictions about travelling in the future.	T / F
b.	The article said there will be water on the Moon in 2024.	T / F
c.	The travel report should please people who want excitement.	T / F
d.	The report was written by travel and technology experts.	T / F
e.	The report says tickets for space travel will be heated.	T / F
f.	A seat on a Virgin Galactic space flight is $250,000.	T / F
g.	The report says underwater hotel rooms will be common in the future.	T / F
h.	The report says there will be little change to how we shop or dine.	T / F

2. SYNONYM MATCH:Match the following synonyms from the article.

1.	provides	a.	inexpensive
2	hire	b.	forecasts
3.	predictions	c.	normal
4.	unimaginable	d.	joint effort
5.	collaboration	e.	eye-catching
6.	spectacular	f.	makes available
7.	affordable	g.	arrival
8.	explosion	h.	unheard of
9.	mainstream	i.	increase
10.	emergence	j.	rental

September 11, 2001

On September 11, 2001 , terrorists hijacked 4 airplanes and crashed them into the two towers of the World Trade Centre in New York and the Pentagon in Washington. The fourth jet crashed in Pennsylvania. About 3,000 people were killed and part of the Pentagon was destroyed. It was soon found out that Osama Bin Laden and his terrorist organization Al Qaeda had been behind the attacks.

The planes left the airports on the morning of September 11. Their originaldestination was California , so they had tons of fuel on board. Sometime after take-off , the terrorists took over the planes. Some of them had pilot training.

At 8:45 a.m. the first plane crashed into the north tower of the World Trade Centre. 20 minutes later, the second plane hit the south tower. Flames and smoke came out of the towers and the people who were working there tried to escape. About an hour after the attack both towers collapsed.

At about 9:40 a.m. a plane with 58 people on board crashed into the west side of the Pentagon, the country’s military headquarters in Washington. A part of the building collapsed and about 200 people were killed.

A fourth plane probably intended to crash into the White House or the Capitol, but a few passengers wanted to try to overcome the terrorists. The pilots lost control of the plane and it crashed into a field in Pennsylvania.

After the attack

After the attack on the USA, there was panic all over the country. The White House was evacuated and all air traffic over the continent was stopped. The stock exchange in New York stopped business and many tourist sights were closed down.

A month after the attack, the government gave the police and the FBI more power to hunt terrorists. New safety checks at airports were introduced and airlines started checking the baggage of their passengers more carefully.

The United States were convinced that Osama Bin Laden and his Al-Qaeda terrorist group were behind the attacks. In October, the U.S. attacked terrorist training camps in Afghanistan .

Why the Towers Collapsed

The two Boeing 767s that took off from Boston hat a lot of fuel with them because they were travelling to Los Angeles. Each jet had about 90,000 litres of fuel—about 2 tanker trucks full.

When the planes hit the towers they caused a massive fire that spread across many floors at the top of the buildings. Most likely,furniture, wood and paper in the offices began burning quickly , so that the fire could spread in a few seconds. The buildings did have an automatic sprinkler system, but this system was made to put out small fires.

The fire caused temperatures of over 1,000 °C , so that even the steel constructions in the buildings became weaker and weaker.

In the end, the top floors that remained undamaged were so heavy that the whole building collapsed. The World Trade Centre, however, withstood collapse long enough to save thousands of lives. About 99 % of the people in the lower floors could get out of the buildings before they fell.

Rebuilding Ground Zero

In the months after September 11, 2001 thousands of workers helped to clean up the place where the World Trade Centre once stood - known as Ground Zero. Many architects all over the world were called to present designs for rebuilding the site. In the future, glass towers will surround a memorialof September 11.

The World Trade Centre

The World Trade Centre was built by the American architect Minoru Yamasaki in the late 1960s and early 1970s. At their opening in 1972 they were the world's tallest buildings. They were over 400 metres tall and were made of 200,000 tons of steel. Each tower had 110 floors and 97 elevators.

Skyscrapers of this size have to be built in solid bedrock . In New York the solid rock starts at about 15 to 20 metres below the surface. When the builders of the WTC started digging they found out that after a few metres, water from the nearby Hudson River startedpouring in. So they dug out small boxes and put steel and concrete into them to give the building a firm stand.

When the World Trade Centre opened in 1973 the project was not very popular among New Yorkers. But as time went on and more and more companies started moving their offices to the twin towers they became more and more popular. The two towers also became famous through movies like “King Kong” and “Superman”.

Extreme sportsmen chose the WTC as the place to try out many stunts. Skydiversparachuted from the top of the towers, climbers went up to the top on the outside walls and a French acrobat walked from one tower to the other on a tightrope. Within a few years the towers were on postcards, T-shirts and ads.

The World Trade Centre also gave the New Yorkers another tourist attraction. On a clear day it was possible to see over 60 km in all directions. Visitors could travel up to the top of the North tower and eat in a luxurious restaurant called “Windows of the World”.

The Twin Towers were like a small city. Over 500 companies , including banks, law firms, television stations and airlines had their offices here and 50,000 people worked in the two buildings every day. On a typical day as many as 200,000 visitors from all over the world passed through the buildings.

In 1993 the World Trade Centre was the target of an earlier terrorist attack. A truck with 600 kg of explosives drove into the basementgarage of the building . When it exploded, a few stories were completely destroyed , but only 6 people were killed.

Cara Delevingne and pharrell sing duet for Chanel film

Karl Lagerfeld has just unveiled more details about his forthcoming Chanel film starring Pharrell Williams and Cara Delevingne, which is due to premiere at the Métiers d’art collection in Salzburg next week. Just as we predicted, the video will feature a new song written by Pharrell, which the pair sing as a duet. The title? “CC the World”.  

Karl Lagerfeld vient de dévoiler plus de détails au sujet de son prochain film mettant en vedette Chanel Pharrell Williams et Cara Delevingne , qui est due à la première à la collection d’art d’ Métiers à Salzbourg la semaine prochaine . Tout comme nous l’avions prédit , la vidéo mettra en vedette une nouvelle chanson écrite par Pharrell , qui la paire chanter en duo . Le titre ? “CC the World”.

The film is titled Reincarnation and retraces the history of the iconic Chanel jacket. While holidaying in Austria, Gabrielle Chanel (played by Geraldine Chaplin) is inspired by the jacket worn by her hotel’s elevator operator (Pharrell Williams). In an extended dream sequence, Pharrell is reincarnated as Franz Joseph I, the Emperor of Austria, while Delevingne plays his wife, Empress Elisabeth “Sisi” of Austria. Cue an imperial waltz, with a Pharrell-soundtracked twist.

Le film est intitulé Réincarnation et retrace l’histoire de la veste Chanel emblématique . Tout en vacances en Autriche , Gabrielle Chanel ( joué par Geraldine Chaplin ) est inspiré par la veste portée par ascenseur l’opérateur de son hôtel ( Pharrell Williams ) . Dans une séquence de rêve prolongée , Pharrell se réincarne en Franz Joseph I, l’empereur d’Autriche , tandis que Delevingne joue sa femme , l’impératrice Elisabeth ” Sisi ” de l’Autriche . Cue une valse impériale, avec une touche Pharrell – soundtracked .